10 Funny Facts about the Japanese Yakuza

The yakuza are the most famous mafia in Japan. It’s said that in the Showa period, politicians appeared to be in control, but actually, the yakuza ran things backstage.

Many cool yakuza movies were created and fascinated men.
But recently, the yakuza world is aging rapidly and the police keep a very close eye on them. Now, instead of being dangerous, yakuza have become an endangered species.

So today, I’ll share 10 funny facts about the Japanese yakuza!!

1. Status of Yakuza

In Japan, there are 24 yakuza groups that are designated as yakuza by the police.But the yakuza are not an organized company. Each yakuza is basically self-employed.

Each member of the yakuza can do whatever they want. But they need to pay a fee to their yakuza group. Then they become a recognized member and they can take part in various yakuza businesses.

So yakuza are the same as Japanese salarymen or employees.
More than their personality, what’s important is which company they work for. If you become yakuza, the first thing you learn is not underground business details, It’s how to exchange a business card. 

2. Hierarchy

The yakuza has a strict hierarchy, At the bottom, Parent-dependent yakuza get money from their parents. Around the middle,Women-dependent yakuza get money by making women work. Physical labor yakuza work as day laborers. Near the top,Organization-dependent yakuza work with other yakuza in company jobs. And above these yakuza, there are executives.

Except for physical labor yakuza, all yakuza get money without working.
Yakuza make a living off money that other people earnt.
They are the same as politicians.

3. Yakuza’s right to life

Abroad, for example in Italy and Hong Kong, the mafias are not recognized by law. Their existence is illegal. But in Japan, in 1991, the anti-organized crime law was created, Our law acknowledges the existence of yakuza by imposing a fine and imprisonment.

But in 2010, local governments passed an ordinance saying they do not recognize the existence of yakuza. Now yakuza don’t have any right to make bank accounts and rent houses. They can’t do business at all.
(Our law recognizes the yakuza but local government ordinances don’t recognize the yakuza.)

Nowadays, yakuza claim that it is against Constitution 14 which assures equality under the law.
Even though their job is against the law.

It’s like women who are against abortions except when they need one.

4. 3 types of Yakuza

The police categorize yakuza into 3 types. In Japanese, they are Bakuto, Gurentai and Tekiya. Bakuto getting money from gambling and underground businesses. Gurentai are youth gangs who threaten people
And Tekiya receive money through street stalls.

Tekiya take part in a very traditional yakuza business – street stalls at festivals. So the Japanese festivals that are organized by shrines and temples are traditional yakuza parties.

Nowadays they are stricter regarding tekiya, so there are less yakuza stalls
But some are still organized by the yakuza. Most enjoyable festivals are organised by yakuza. Tekiya usually sell okonomiyaki or food based on flour, As it’s cheap and they can make more profit. Not only in underground businesses but also at festivals, They are selling powder.

5. Yakuza and Physical Labor

It’s known that some yakuza group leaders were fishermen. So one of the yakuza’s incomes is poaching. Before, yakuza looked down on physical jobs.
But nowadays a lot of local yakuza poach fish and other seafood.
Instead of underground business, they are doing business under the sea.

It’s said if Japanese salarymen or office workers are white collar workers,
yakuza are black collar workers. But now some Japanese yakuza have become genuine blue collar workers.
Sea blue. Or should I say, aquamarine.

6. Yakuza and Start Ups

Yakuza start businesses if they think they can earn money in that industry.
Currently in Japan, among young Japanese girls bubble tea is very popular.
And some yakuza opened bubble tea shops because the cost of sales is low and the profits are high.

Before, the yakuza got women dependent on drugs and made them work in brothels to pay for it.
Now, the yakuza make high school girls dependent on bubble tea and just take cash.

7. Yakuza and Valentine’s

In Japan, Valentine’s Day is the day that girls give chocolate to their favorite boys. Several years ago, Valentine’s chocolate became very expensive as raw material prices rose, so then some yakuza bought up cacao beans.
They mix it with foreign expired cacao and sell it. Then they earn a lot of money. In Japan, this is called crime, but in China it’s called business.

8. Yakuza and career

In the yakuza world, the university graduate rate is 7%. You guys may think those 7% are elite yakuza. But in their world, the university graduates can’t move up the career ladder.For yakuza, the most important thing is how long they spent in prison. The more time they spend in prison, the more chance they have of being promoted.
For the yakuza, prison is their Harvard.

Yakuza call spending time in prison their duty. It’s one of their most important jobs. It’s said before they go to prison, they try to get more irezumi, or traditional Japanese tattoos.
If they have a big tattoo, they are given good treatment.

But nowadays, the yakuza are becoming poor – especially yakuza at the bottom are suffering from serious poverty. So they call prison their social welfare. Instead of Harvard, it’s actually their safety net.

9, Yakuza and Sumo

In the sumo world, the yakuza often organized big gambling events at shrines and sumo matches were held as entertainment. It’s like if a boxing match were organized inside a casino in Las Vegas.

And some sumo wrestlers had yakuza tattoos.But when our national sport was being decided, they thought sumo must be sacred because it was held in a shrine. Then sumo became our national sport.Now we’re going to open the first ever casino in Japan. Maybe our national sport will change.

10. Yakuza and Social Contributions

Yakuza also earn money by dispatching workers and yakuza themselves also go work. Usually they dispatch workers to unpopular workplaces. For example, it’s said many yakuza work in nuclear power plants.

And when the Fukushima nuclear plant exploded, some employees remained on-site and tried to repair it. We call them the Fukshima 50.
And there are rumors that there are 3 yakuza in the Fukushima 50.
So you could call them the Fukushima 47 and 3 yakuza.

The Japanese yakuza group Yamaguchi-gumi take part in volunteer work after a national disaster. After the Great Hanshin-Awaji Earthquake and the Great East Japan Earthquake, They sent relief supplies and volunteered at the soup kitchen. They said “We want to be helpful to people” and worked so hard. Of course, the same as celebrities, they expensed it as an advertising fee.

And the biggest yakuza group, Yamagushi-gumi, try to blend into the local community.They hold a halloween party and give snacks to kids.
The reason why they started holding Halloween events was because foreign kids who lived in the neighborhood and knew nothing about the yakuza, visited their office on Halloween and threatened them for candy.

They’re less xenophonic than the Japanese government.

Coronavirus’s new symptom!? #Coronavirus joke

I’m working out at the gym.
Amid the Coronavirus situation,
Many old people come to the gym
So this morning, one old man around 80 years old was there.

He told me.
since this morning my sense of taste is wired.
I ate chocolate but I can’t taste sweet, it’s a little bit bitter.
I’ve never experienced such before…
Do I have a problem??

I read an article before that one of the coronavirus’s new symptom is taste disorder.
I thought oh my god he has the coronavirus.
fuck off……

then he put his hand into his pocket and showed me the chocolate.

it was bitter chocolate. 

Youtube Meshida Japanese Comedian

2020 Tokyo Olympics will be postponed. It means…

It was recently announced that the 2020 Tokyo Olympics will be postponed.
We proudly called them the Reconstruction Olympics,
intending to showcase the recovery of East Japan after the earthquake and tsunami.
Of course, we aren’t hosting the Olympics in Fukushima.
Because it hasn’t been reconstructed yet…

In the last 9 years, 10 different ministers for reconstruction have been appointed.
They couldn’t handle it for long and kept being replaced.
only the ministry for reconstruction was reconstructed.

We were all excited for the 2020 Tokyo Olympics
But unfortunately, the coronavirus turned the tide and the 2020 Tokyo Olympics has been washed away Like how the tsunami washed away the future of this area in 2009. 

In the end,
These Olympics will become
the Reconstruction Olympics for the 2020 Olympics.

Breaking News: In Japan, A middle-aged man tried to infect Coronavirus!!

In Japan, a middle-aged man, who tested positive for Coronavirus,
went to the Pub and enjoyed karaoke.
Even though he knew that he was infected with the virus, 

he still opted to go out and he even shouted: 
“I want to infect Coronavirus everyone!”
“Because I’m positive.”

Actually he should feel negative.

Japanese are not racist!!

In Japan, Japanese people call foreigners “Gaijin”.
It means people who come from outside.
My white American friend complained about that
and he said,

“Japanese are racist.”

Actually It’s the opposite.
We don’t categorize white people, Jewish people, black people.
We don’t mind about differences.

You guys are all Gaijin.

Youtube  Meshida-Japanese Comedian    Everyday 1min Standup

What the meaning of Hentai is in Japan?

Do you guys know the words Hentai?
Generally, I know Foreigners recognize Hentai as Anime Porn.
The famous worldwide adult porn site “Porn hub” reported 
the most searched word in 2019 is the word Japanese
and Hentai is ranked second.

However in Japan, the father of the word Hentai.
We use this word in a totally different way.
We don’t use Hentai to refer to Anime Porno.

Instead in Japan the word Hentai means people with sexual perversity like
Masochist, Flasher, Pedophile, Peeping and abnormal sexuality.
We use the word Hentai to describe people.

Most of the time we hear
Foreign people say I watch Hentai.
That’s wrong.
Whenever you watch young girls in Anime Porn.
You don’t watch Hentai

You are the Hentai.

Youtube  Meshida-Japanese Comedian    Everyday 1min Standup

German People can get rid of the virus easily (black joke)

Because of the coronavirus pandemic.
Chancellor of Germany Angela Merkel declared
Since World WarⅡ, this is the biggest threat we have faced 
We have to fight it together.

I think German People can get rid of the virus easily.

Because they are really good at genocide.

I just hope the cure isn’t in the form of a gas.

Youtube  Meshida-Japanese Comedian    Everyday 1min Standup

A Chinese official tweet US army who brought the epidemic to Wuhan!

A Chinese official attacked the US online.
He tweeted.

It might be the US army that brought the epidemic to Wuhan.
Be transparent! Make public your date! The US owes us an explanation.

Secretary of State Mike Pompeo warned his Chinese counterpart against spreading 
“outlandish rumors” about the coronavirus pandemic.

I definitely agree with Pompeo.
China should stop saying that kind of stupid thing.
This is not America’s conspiracy, it’s obvious.
America will never create this half-baked virus.
We Japanese know.

They do it radically

Youtube  Meshida-Japanese Comedian    Everyday 1min Standup

Shut the fuck up WHO!!!

On 13th March WHO’s director made an assessment that 
Coronavirus can be characterized as a pandemic.
Many people complained about it 
“that it’s too late!”

And during the interview WHO declared
“Now Europe is the epicenter of the virus.”
Then they also added that 
China is rapidly suppressing the virus.

It’s impossible that China suppresses coronavirus.

They just suppress WHO

Youtube  Meshida-Japanese Comedian    Everyday 1min Standup

Coronavirus saved many Japanese people

In Japan, the coronavirus is spreading quickly.
We are really afraid of being infected.
The number of deaths due to coronavirus in Japan is 40.
But the number of deaths in car accidents is 4,000 a year.
We should be more afraid of getting into a car more than the coronavirus.

Last year many car accidents were caused by old people.
and many young people died.
The coronavirus forced old people to stay at home
and they stopped driving.
Then the number of car accidents decreased.

Yes! Coronavirus saved many Japanese people

Youtube  Meshida-Japanese Comedian    Everyday 1min Standup