Why are Japanese toilets so high-tech?

What do you think about Japanese technology?  

Our Japanese technology is fantastic.

Japanese technology
Japanese technology

Yes… The Japanese toilet.

Toto washlet

One day my American friend got angry with me and said,
“You’re such an asshole.” 

I was touched, and replied: 
“Thank you very much.”

Because, you know, we Japanese have the cleanest and most beautiful assholes in the world.
We squandered away too much money and technology on our assholes.

Asshole detective (Japanese anime)

Many foreigners ask “why are Japanese toilets so high-tech?”

Before, we Japanese didn’t care much about our assholes.
Like you Westerners.
But in 1981, a catchy advertisement changed our minds and the toilet scene.
It was a TV commercial with a Japanese girl.

This is it:

Hi! You!
If you have dirty hands, you wash them.
You don’t just wipe like this.
Do you know why?
Paper can’t remove all the dirt.
This is the same as with your asshole.
Even the asshole wants to be washed!

This TV commercial changed our minds…and our lives.

Guide to Tokyo’s famous giant Golden Poo in Asakusa, Tokyo

Asakusa is one of the most traditional districts in Tokyo.

This City is known for its old-town atmosphere and historic Buddhist temples “Sensouji-Temple”

In Asakusa there are many tourist spots.

For example “Hanayashiki” the oldest Amusement Park in Japan and “Kappabashi Kitchenware Town”

However, the best tourist spot in Asakusa is “Azuma-Bashi Bridge”.


because you can see this beautiful view

Readers might think

“What is this Golden Statue?”

“Why is there such kind of shit on top of a building??”

Let me explain about that.

Next to the Golden statue is the Asahi beer tower.

This is Asahi Beer Company’s building.

So this looks like beer.

And the Golden statue building is also Asahi beer company’s building.

And that Gold sculpture is named

“Flamme d’or”.

This is a French word and it means

“Golden fire”

It symbolizes the burning heart which the company and the employees possess.

But unfortunately, it looks like it symbolizes “burning shit”

First, they tried to make it like this…





If it passed, it must be called “three shits”

But the neighborhood took objection to it because it’ll block the sunlight.

Then it became like this.

Azuma-bashi Bridge is the best spot to take a picture.

You can take a picture like this!!!

ATTACK ON TITAN is modeled after the Japanese salarymen

Are you familiar with ATTACK ON TITAN?

It’s the latest craze manga today and it is about the battle between Giants and ordinary humans.

It’s the latest craze manga today and it is about the battle between Giants and ordinary humans.

And it’s said

The giant or titan is modeled after the Japanese salarymen.

Anyway, Salarymen is Japanese English which means ordinary Japanese employees.

We call them corporate slave

They work so hard and crazy about drinking

cause they relieve their stress through alcohol.

The author used to work at a manga café or internet café.

Auther:Attack on titan

Then he got his inspiration from his experience trying to talk with drunk salarymen.

He tried to communicate with those drunk guys but they became unruly and violent (intimidating).

So, he decided to write about how to get rid of these fucking idiots.

The most important of our Japanese technology was stolen from China

America really cares about copy right infringement from China.

But what We Japanese feared the most has already happened.

The most important of our Japanese technology was stolen.

and they advertised it in an NBA court during the game.

now it’s getting bigger in the world.

We thought that’s is very Japanese technology.

Now we are exposed to Chinese threat.

We should send more Japanese porno videos.

Japanese prostitutes are kind of like civil servants

Nami : Do you know? Japanese prostitutes are kind of like civil servants.
The Japanese government acknowledges prostitutes as public workers.
They can provide sexual services to satisfy any interest except for penetration.

Lie : Wow, I didn’t know that. Good to know the government is focusing on what’s really important.

Nami : It means prostitutes are basically civil servants that help men jerk off without going as far as real sex.
That’s why there are many different kinds of sexual establishments that satisfy men’s sexual desires without insertion.

Lie : I love stories with a happy ending.

Nami : Meshida san you know a lot. What is your favorite?

Meshida : My favorite? I’m happy as long as I get an ending.
But I would never waste my money. (quotation)
Cause I have many good toys and toys are cheap and never say No.

Nami : Anyway Like Meshida, Some Japanese guys go there. And you know In Japan There are about 20,000 sexual establishments that cater to men’s sexual desires. That’s about as many as the number of 7-11’s in the country.

Lie : Wow, that’s a lot. I guess salary men must visit both on the way home.

Meshida : And Almost 300,000 women work in the sex industry.
It means about 1 girl in each school class will become a prostitute in Japan.

Lie : I have some male friends who will wish they’d known that at high school.

Meshida : Yes!

Why do we really have to blur Porno?

Many Foreign guys make fun of blur on Japanse Porn.
Sometimes they ask “Why do they have blur?”
So We researched it and discuss it on Youtube Video.

Meshida : Do you know Why do we really have to blur Porno?

Lie : Maybe Japanese woman all have teeth down there and are trying to hide it from rest of the world.

Nami : We don’t have teeth. Just have bush.

Meshida : But you said you have a bare garden.

Nami : Yes. I was colonized by a British guy.

Lie : Yeah, England has a habit of doing that.

Meshida : Yeah British people are good at gardening. There is a rule before selling Porno videos. An organization set up by the police needs to check it.

Lie : That must be every guy’s dream job.

Meshida : I would love that job.

Meshida : Anyway, our law prohibits showing penetration,
that’s why we need to blur porno videos in order to sell them. It can be said that beneath the blur they aren’t actually having sex –
that no penetration happened.

Lie : Because you can’t see it, it might not be happening.

Meshida : That’s why they allow the videos to be sold and people to watch them. When I was a teenager, every time when I watched Porn,
I thought about what was happening beneath the blur!?I imaged many kinds of Hentai things.

Nami : That’s why you became so hentai.

Meshida : Hey, I’m very normal for a Japanese man.

Nami : It means Normal Hentai.

Why Blur Porn? | Real Cool Jaoan
Meshida standup comedy

The Secrets of English language school in Japan

When I was 20 years old I couldn’t speak English at all. On the train,

I saw an English language school ad.

They always try to shame people into joining,

with advertisements that say

“Hey, you! Can you speak English? You can’t?
“Everyone needs to be able to speak English if they want to compete in our international world.”

That ad inspired me and I joined. But I realized it’s impossible.

Because if you join,

You learn English from white guys who couldn’t handle it overseas.

Now I called English language school as

the white guy’s rehabilitation facility.


Why Do Japanese People Eat KFC on Christmas?

Many non-Japanese people often ask me why everyone eats KFC on Christmas in Japan.

Origins

Many non-Japanese people often ask me why everyone eats KFC on Christmas in Japan. The actual reason is all down to one employee at KFC, Takeshi Ookawara. The story begins in December 1973 – at that time there were only 100 KFCs in the whole of Japan.

In Aoyama, Tokyo, a Christian school contacted KFC and asked them to show up at the school’s Xmas party. None of the teachers at the school had the right body shape to be Santa, so they were hoping an employee could dress as Santa and come instead. In return, they would buy lots of fried chicken, as they figured it was similar enough to turkey to be used as a replacement.

KFC agreed, and a staff member showed up dressed as Santa with lots of fried chicken, which he handed out while saying “Merry Christmas”!
The kids loved it.

Then, Mr. Ogawara had the idea to try and spread using KFC instead of turkey at Christmas to the rest of Japan. KFC was invited to many school parties to dress as Santa and give out fried chicken for Christmas.

There were also children who thought Colonel Sanders was actually Santa Claus.

To be fair, Santa Claus is also a low-income middle-aged part-timer.

The number of Christians in Japan

The number of Christians in Japan is under 1% of the total population. So, rather than going to church, Christmas in Japan is mostly a consumerist holiday, with the presents and dinner and expensive restaurants hiding the real reason it exists – to increase economic growth.

The same reason America goes to war. (Wars have been started over less.)

Popularization

Three years later, the media interviewed Mr. Ookawara, and asked him if eating fried chicken was the custom overseas at Christmas. He said yes.
The media believed him and reported it as fact, and the misbelief spread across Japan. Fake news – Japan was doing it first.

So now we can’t complain when the western media says that all Japanese watch hentai porn. At least both countries ended up happy – we get to eat delicious KFC, and they get to watch hentai.

Current Day

In Japan, Christmas Eve is a big event for couples. On Christmas Eve, all KFC, jewelers, and condoms are sold out.

Yes! All good presents come in small boxes.

So if you want to experience a real Japanese Christmas this year,
go to your local KFC!

Youtube video Meshida – Christmas in Japan

Youtube video Meshida – Stand-up Comedy

American Hypocrisy caused a big dispute in Japan

An American guy’s tweet about a red cross blood donation poster caused a big dispute in Japan (on twitter)

An American famous news show said Japan is home of 93% of the world’s weird stuff. Sometimes Western media report about Japan’s news. They pick up a weird topic and exaggerate it and report it with the one-sided view 

The other day, an American guy tweeted about a red cross blood donation poster which was collaborating with the manga series “Uzaki-chan wants to hang out.” That tweet caused a big dispute on Twitter in Japan.

Yes, Americans really like to cause disputes in other countries…

I know why when American guys see Uzaki-chan’s big boobs, they think it’s over-sexualized. Because a US famous porno site reported The most searched for terms of 2018.

No3 is milf.  No2 is Hentai  No1 is lesbian
Anyway, MILF. mother I’d like to fuck. And In other countries, Hentai means basically Anime Porno.
They also reported the most viewed categories of 2018.

No3 is milf.  No2 is Japanese  No1 is lesbian
So Probably They watch too much Japanese Hentai Anime,So when they see, an Anime girl who has big boobs, They think she is over-sexualized. But For us, Uzaki-chan is just a character such as Pikachu, Mario, or Hello Kitty.

In a sense, We grew up in a sexually developed country. So for us, this poster is not special. We recognized this as a character. Especially for Japanese boys….

Anyway, personally I’m not interested in this kind of Anime. I know foreign people see this poster and think wow this is over-sexualized. For us, it is similar to seeing a Micky mouse poster and claiming

Wow, this character’s face looks like a giant dick! This is over-sexualized.

Some people said This Kind of Anime character contributes to objectifying women and infringes on women’s rights.
I think the problem is they imagined that Uzakichan exists like a real human. They recognize Uzakichan as a real woman.
I also can say they are infringing on the anime character’s rights.

Western people always think their values are correct, and set them as the standard of the world. Before giving us advice, they should look at their own country first. (They always give us advice, yet are so hypocritical.) (“Thank you so much for the advice.”)

An American man told us that using this kind of sexualized character is behind the times and that the rest of the world is more forward-thinking in regards to women’s rights, and the #metoo movement.
So, I checked out America’s Red Cross campaign.

#Youtoo

The main reason this tweet caused such controversy is that a female lawyer, known for not liking the sexualization of females that often occurs in anime, posted the following tweet.

English translation
As for why they choose this illustration specifically, I think everyone is just completely desensitized to it. Why did they use this picture on the poster? Everyone may be immune to it, but it is like creating an environment where sexual harassment is common, in a public space.

In response, many otakus responded with the argument that having big boobs isn’t a kind of sexual harassment, and demanded that she apologize. It’s also discrimination to imply that, if the girl on the poster were flat-chested, it wouldn’t be sexual.

Everyone on twitter is chiming in with their own views on big/small boobs and how it related to sexual harassment.

Meanwhile, in Hong Kong, citizens are fighting for free speech.
Japan is showing the world the real meaning of freedom of speech.

Also, the text on the poster is rather problematic.
It says “Sempai! …Will this be your first time? Are you scared of injections?”

Some people think this is against the law, as it is coercing people into giving blood.

However, this is nothing like forcing people to give blood. This is just…temptation. If this counts as forcing people to give blood, all English language schools are guilty of coercion as well. They always try to shame people into joining, with advertisements that say

“Hey, you! Can you speak English? Are you serious? Everyone needs to be able to speak English if they wish to participate in our global society.”

…Then, they learn English from foreign otaku who couldn’t compete in the global society.

I think I know the real psychological reason they chose to use this image.
In Japan, we have an aging society, with a lack of blood donations, and we need younger people to donate.
However, in Japan, we have strict rules regarding blood donation.

If you want to donate blood, you cannot have had a new sexual partner within the last six months. This makes otakus the perfect target audience.

In the past few years, they started collaborating with anime to advertise. The number of blood donations has increased.

Otakus are like the saints of the Red Cross blood drive.

But if they hang the posters too close to the donation booths, there might be no blood left in any other areas of their body for them to draw. In Japan, many people have different viewpoints, and our freedom of speech allows that.

I think that if using anime characters like this increases the amount of blood donated and saves more lives, it’s okay. However, if they use this kind of advertisement in public places, it might overwhelm Twitter again, so I think they should use two different kinds of advertisements – anime characters is places like internet cafes and Akihabara, and normal posters for public places. If we’re careful, like America, there will be no controversy.

The fact Japan has so much freedom of speech and many different viewpoints is a great thing. I hope next time people are arguing over something important, the argument makes it off Twitter.


Check out here for Meshida’s Stand-up Comedy Show in Tokyo.

Book here “Standup Comedy Show “My Japanese Perspective

The Naked Director

Recently a new Netflix drama was released. The title is “The Naked Director”

This is a true-life story of a porn director, Toru Muranishi. He is known as the King of Porno.

In the 1980s, our porno industry had strict rules. Censorship laws were strict and real sex was unheard of in the pornography industry. But he ignored the rules and proceeded to the real sex videos. Additionally, he is not only a director but also an actor. It means he is shooting the movie and the actress at the same time.

He is popular at conducting a sexy interview before doing the deed.

This is it(Original interview by Toru Muranishi )

 

I’ll show the movie with my subtitles

< Sexy interview by Toru Muranishi>

I’d like to fuck you.

But this time we don’t do just normal fuck.

We want to use a small tool effectively.

What is the small tool?

This is it.

Dou you know what this is?

I think you are just pretending.

This is a whistle.

Could you suck it with your mouth

The way you suck the whistle is so erotic.

You don’t need it to move it out

Just blow it.

That sounds nice

One more time

Oh! That’s so sexy.

So We’ll use this whistle.

How do we use this?

You and I will fuck

But I don’t insert you as soon as possible.

Of course, I’ll do foreplay.

Or I may have a middle play.

Then we start fucking.

So During sex, I want you to blow the whistle.

If you feel so so, please blow once.

If you feel more, please blow twice.

If you almost coming, please blow thrice.

Then the audience can understand how do you feel now.

You feel 10, 5 or 1 is totally different.

How much you feel is difficult to understand.

So you express it using this whistle.

Even though we will do real fuck

we have to blur it because this is legal.

So we can’t show how your juice dripping.

Unfortunately, we can’t show it.

Then instead of show it, we use this whistle.

Are you ready?

Let’s do it.

Please grab your whistle harder.

Before we start, I’d like to ask something.

What kind of sex do you like?

Kind or Crazy?

Actress: Crazy

Oh, you mean crazy but sometimes kind isn’t it?

Actress: Yes

How about Kind at the same time crazy?

 

If you want to know more about Japanese Porno industry

Please watch “The Naked Director.