Why are Japanese toilets so high-tech?

What do you think about Japanese technology?  

Our Japanese technology is fantastic.

Japanese technology
Japanese technology

Yes… The Japanese toilet.

Toto washlet

One day my American friend got angry with me and said,
“You’re such an asshole.” 

I was touched, and replied: 
“Thank you very much.”

Because, you know, we Japanese have the cleanest and most beautiful assholes in the world.
We squandered away too much money and technology on our assholes.

Asshole detective (Japanese anime)

Many foreigners ask “why are Japanese toilets so high-tech?”

Before, we Japanese didn’t care much about our assholes.
Like you Westerners.
But in 1981, a catchy advertisement changed our minds and the toilet scene.
It was a TV commercial with a Japanese girl.

This is it:

Hi! You!
If you have dirty hands, you wash them.
You don’t just wipe like this.
Do you know why?
Paper can’t remove all the dirt.
This is the same as with your asshole.
Even the asshole wants to be washed!

This TV commercial changed our minds…and our lives.

ATTACK ON TITAN is modeled after the Japanese salarymen

Are you familiar with ATTACK ON TITAN?

It’s the latest craze manga today and it is about the battle between Giants and ordinary humans.

It’s the latest craze manga today and it is about the battle between Giants and ordinary humans.

And it’s said

The giant or titan is modeled after the Japanese salarymen.

Anyway, Salarymen is Japanese English which means ordinary Japanese employees.

We call them corporate slave

They work so hard and crazy about drinking

cause they relieve their stress through alcohol.

The author used to work at a manga café or internet café.

Auther:Attack on titan

Then he got his inspiration from his experience trying to talk with drunk salarymen.

He tried to communicate with those drunk guys but they became unruly and violent (intimidating).

So, he decided to write about how to get rid of these fucking idiots.

The most important of our Japanese technology was stolen from China

America really cares about copy right infringement from China.

But what We Japanese feared the most has already happened.

The most important of our Japanese technology was stolen.

and they advertised it in an NBA court during the game.

now it’s getting bigger in the world.

We thought that’s is very Japanese technology.

Now we are exposed to Chinese threat.

We should send more Japanese porno videos.

Japanese prostitutes are kind of like civil servants

Nami : Do you know? Japanese prostitutes are kind of like civil servants.
The Japanese government acknowledges prostitutes as public workers.
They can provide sexual services to satisfy any interest except for penetration.

Lie : Wow, I didn’t know that. Good to know the government is focusing on what’s really important.

Nami : It means prostitutes are basically civil servants that help men jerk off without going as far as real sex.
That’s why there are many different kinds of sexual establishments that satisfy men’s sexual desires without insertion.

Lie : I love stories with a happy ending.

Nami : Meshida san you know a lot. What is your favorite?

Meshida : My favorite? I’m happy as long as I get an ending.
But I would never waste my money. (quotation)
Cause I have many good toys and toys are cheap and never say No.

Nami : Anyway Like Meshida, Some Japanese guys go there. And you know In Japan There are about 20,000 sexual establishments that cater to men’s sexual desires. That’s about as many as the number of 7-11’s in the country.

Lie : Wow, that’s a lot. I guess salary men must visit both on the way home.

Meshida : And Almost 300,000 women work in the sex industry.
It means about 1 girl in each school class will become a prostitute in Japan.

Lie : I have some male friends who will wish they’d known that at high school.

Meshida : Yes!

Why do we really have to blur Porno?

Many Foreign guys make fun of blur on Japanse Porn.
Sometimes they ask “Why do they have blur?”
So We researched it and discuss it on Youtube Video.

Meshida : Do you know Why do we really have to blur Porno?

Lie : Maybe Japanese woman all have teeth down there and are trying to hide it from rest of the world.

Nami : We don’t have teeth. Just have bush.

Meshida : But you said you have a bare garden.

Nami : Yes. I was colonized by a British guy.

Lie : Yeah, England has a habit of doing that.

Meshida : Yeah British people are good at gardening. There is a rule before selling Porno videos. An organization set up by the police needs to check it.

Lie : That must be every guy’s dream job.

Meshida : I would love that job.

Meshida : Anyway, our law prohibits showing penetration,
that’s why we need to blur porno videos in order to sell them. It can be said that beneath the blur they aren’t actually having sex –
that no penetration happened.

Lie : Because you can’t see it, it might not be happening.

Meshida : That’s why they allow the videos to be sold and people to watch them. When I was a teenager, every time when I watched Porn,
I thought about what was happening beneath the blur!?I imaged many kinds of Hentai things.

Nami : That’s why you became so hentai.

Meshida : Hey, I’m very normal for a Japanese man.

Nami : It means Normal Hentai.

Why Blur Porn? | Real Cool Jaoan
Meshida standup comedy

The Secrets of English language school in Japan

When I was 20 years old I couldn’t speak English at all. On the train,

I saw an English language school ad.

They always try to shame people into joining,

with advertisements that say

“Hey, you! Can you speak English? You can’t?
“Everyone needs to be able to speak English if they want to compete in our international world.”

That ad inspired me and I joined. But I realized it’s impossible.

Because if you join,

You learn English from white guys who couldn’t handle it overseas.

Now I called English language school as

the white guy’s rehabilitation facility.