One day my American friend got angry with me and said, “You’re such an asshole.”
I was touched, and replied: “Thank you very much.”
Because, you know, we Japanese have the cleanest and most beautiful assholes in the world. We squandered away too much money and technology on our assholes.
Many foreigners ask “why are Japanese toilets so high-tech?”
Before, we Japanese didn’t care much about our assholes. Like you Westerners. But in 1981, a catchy advertisement changed our minds and the toilet scene. It was a TV commercial with a Japanese girl.
This is it:
Hi! You! If you have dirty hands, you wash them. You don’t just wipe like this. Do you know why? Paper can’t remove all the dirt. This is the same as with your asshole. Even the asshole wants to be washed!
This TV commercial changed our minds…and our lives.
Many non-Japanese people often ask me why everyone eats KFC on Christmas in Japan.
Many non-Japanese people often ask me why everyone eats KFC on Christmas in Japan. The actual reason is all down to one employee at KFC, Takeshi Ookawara. The story begins in December 1973 – at that time there were only 100 KFCs in the whole of Japan.
In Aoyama, Tokyo, a Christian school contacted KFC and asked them to show up at the school’s Xmas party. None of the teachers at the school had the right body shape to be Santa, so they were hoping an employee could dress as Santa and come instead. In return, they would buy lots of fried chicken, as they figured it was similar enough to turkey to be used as a replacement.
KFC agreed, and a staff member showed up dressed as Santa with lots of fried chicken, which he handed out while saying “Merry Christmas”! The kids loved it.
Then, Mr. Ogawara had the idea to try and spread using KFC instead of turkey at Christmas to the rest of Japan. KFC was invited to many school parties to dress as Santa and give out fried chicken for Christmas.
There were also children who thought Colonel Sanders was actually Santa Claus.
To be fair, Santa Claus is also a low-income middle-aged part-timer.
The number of Christians in Japan
The number of Christians in Japan is under 1% of the total population. So, rather than going to church, Christmas in Japan is mostly a consumerist holiday, with the presents and dinner and expensive restaurants hiding the real reason it exists – to increase economic growth.
The same reason America goes to war. (Wars have been started over less.)
Three years later, the media interviewed Mr. Ookawara, and asked him if eating fried chicken was the custom overseas at Christmas. He said yes. The media believed him and reported it as fact, and the misbelief spread across Japan. Fake news – Japan was doing it first.
So now we can’t complain when the western media says that all Japanese watch hentai porn. At least both countries ended up happy – we get to eat delicious KFC, and they get to watch hentai.
In Japan, Christmas Eve is a big event for couples. On Christmas Eve, all KFC, jewelers, and condoms are sold out.
Yes! All good presents come in small boxes.
So if you want to experience a real Japanese Christmas this year, go to your local KFC!
Recently a new Netflix drama was released. The title is “The Naked Director”
This is a true-life story of a porn director, Toru Muranishi. He is known as the King of Porno.
In the 1980s, our porno industry had strict rules. Censorship laws were strict and real sex was unheard of in the pornography industry. But he ignored the rules and proceeded to the real sex videos. Additionally, he is not only a director but also an actor. It means he is shooting the movie and the actress at the same time.
He is popular at conducting a sexy interview before doing the deed.
This is it（Original interview by Toru Muranishi ）
I’ll show the movie with my subtitles
< Sexy interview by Toru Muranishi>
I’d like to fuck you.
But this time we don’t do just normal fuck.
We want to use a small tool effectively.
What is the small tool?
This is it.
Dou you know what this is?
I think you are just pretending.
This is a whistle.
Could you suck it with your mouth
The way you suck the whistle is so erotic.
You don’t need it to move it out
Just blow it.
That sounds nice
One more time
Oh! That’s so sexy.
So We’ll use this whistle.
How do we use this?
You and I will fuck
But I don’t insert you as soon as possible.
Of course, I’ll do foreplay.
Or I may have a middle play.
Then we start fucking.
So During sex, I want you to blow the whistle.
If you feel so so, please blow once.
If you feel more, please blow twice.
If you almost coming, please blow thrice.
Then the audience can understand how do you feel now.
You feel 10, 5 or 1 is totally different.
How much you feel is difficult to understand.
So you express it using this whistle.
Even though we will do real fuck
we have to blur it because this is legal.
So we can’t show how your juice dripping.
Unfortunately, we can’t show it.
Then instead of show it, we use this whistle.
Are you ready?
Let’s do it.
Please grab your whistle harder.
Before we start, I’d like to ask something.
What kind of sex do you like?
Kind or Crazy?
Oh, you mean crazy but sometimes kind isn’t it?
How about Kind at the same time crazy?
If you want to know more about Japanese Porno industry
There is a big demo in Honking to protest against extradition.
Almost 1million protesters attended this demo.Police reported it was 250,000 people. But It was reported by Chinese Police. So it’s 1million protesters.
Why do Hongkongers protest extradition?
Because if they accept extradition, Mainland China can judge all suspects and criminals in Hong Kong. they don’t have a right to atrial in Hong Kong. They will send them to China directly and judge them in their courts.
Maybe in the future, If people wear Winnie the Pooh T-shits, They are tried for treason. Actually, Winnie the Pooh is strictly censored in China. Because He looks like their leader Xi Jin-ping.
I think he looks like “Babe” more than Pooh.
Winnie the Pooh must have been devastated when he heard the news. And if they have a movie party and watch the legendary movie “Babe” They will all die a mysterious death in China.
The movie Ghost Busters was also strictly censored. They banned movies that have stories based on cult and superstition. It means they can’t play their Chinese history movie. Like “China 5,000 years of history”
“one person one vote”
Anyway if this extradition works, The International financial city of Hong Kong will become The Mainland’s newest campsite for all of Pooh’s best friends Hong Kong is now part of China under one country, two systems principle, but now China gradually erodes Hong Kong and now they can’t have the universal election. they don’t have the right “one person one vote.” I can’t believe this! Even people in North Korea have one person one vote. Even though they just only 1 candidate.
Donald Trump to be a Christopher Robin?
I think just one person can stop Chinese Pooh. Yes, his best friend “Christopher Robin. I really expected Donald Trump to be a Christopher Robin and convince Pooh. becauseTrump said Xi is my friend. But after I saw Christopher Robin profile in Wikipedia. I gave up. Because On his profile it is said
Special skill: Writing Proficiency
Yes, Christopher Robin never tweets “Prince of Whales.”
Now I think Hong Kongers really want to ask British People. They want to ask